As I walk into a new relationship, I'm remembering my communication skills. When I thought about most of my past relationships, the vast majority of them ended because we didn't communicate. Either:
a) We both loved each other, and stopped communicating through difficulties.
b) I didn't communicate enough when I was finding fault.
c) They didn't communicate enough when they were finding fault.
Speaking of new boyfriends and loving yourself, a boy who buys your groceries, looks for moles on your skin, and treats you to whatever gifts and little things you want is fabulous.
Many couples find it hard to express how they feel for each other. They don’t know how to verbalize their needs and they don’t know how to listen carefully. If you are one of those people, then it might be time to read some tips for an effective communication.
* Be tactful. Before you even say something, you have to think about it. Is it something that you really have to tell your husband or wife? Do you really mean what you are going to say?
* Pay attention. When your spouse wants to say something to you, you’ve got to listen very carefully. Don’t just pretend that you are listening.
* Wait for your turn to talk and have some patience. When your spouse is talking, you need to listen first before you talk. Don’t interrupt the person. It’s a way of showing you respect your partner.
* Be honest about your feelings and thoughts. Don’t fabricate things to cover up your true emotions.
* Find time to talk. No matter how busy you are with your jobs and kids (if you have any), you need to find the best time to talk. You need to talk to understand each other.
* Express your resentments in a nice way. Don’t just keep it inside. Let the person know how you really feel. Don’t use silence as a weapon because it is deadly.
Settle your disputes by speaking and listening. It’s a give in take relationship. Can you do it? I know you can!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Cards
Choosing your life is like playing rummy. You have to choose one run, or one set, to focus on. You can't try to do it all. Maybe two? But not more than that.
What is my focus right now? There have been two many.
I need to focus on:
a) THE GRE.
b) Working out and dancing.
C) Shadow hours and psychology class.
Fuck.
What is my focus right now? There have been two many.
I need to focus on:
a) THE GRE.
b) Working out and dancing.
C) Shadow hours and psychology class.
Fuck.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Dissecting Life
My grandmother died this weekend. Today, I dissected two cadavers, emiting Phenol Gas. One was an 87 year old women, with pink-painted fingernails. It made me question, is this the right line of work for me?
Inside the human body, looks like roast beef.
I identified muscles on them.
I wasn't as scared as I thought I'd be. Somehow, that bothered me.
Its amazing how we analyze pain to learn to heal.
Inside the human body, looks like roast beef.
I identified muscles on them.
I wasn't as scared as I thought I'd be. Somehow, that bothered me.
Its amazing how we analyze pain to learn to heal.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Grandma
Dear Grandma,
I can't express enough my gratitude to have you in my life.
Everytime I saw Grandma Edna as a child, she would bring me a Kit-Kat bar. It was part of our contract, and we had a mutual understanding: 1 Kit-Kat, if I was good. No more. No less.
When she greeted me, she would say “You know how much I love you?” And spread her arms, all the way out, as far as they went.
“I love you this much”, she'd say, like she was hugging the entire world.
“Grandma, your arms aren't that long”, I would say.
“This is as far as they go. But I love you farther. I love you forever."
I can't say I didn't test that love. She cared about me so much that she took my decisions personally, as a reflection of her. I knew it drove her crazy when I dressed like a hippie, or a punk rocker, with messy hair, too-small tops, and ripped jeans.
Grandma, thank you for loving me anyway.
We got in arguments when I watched too much MTV, or left the house to go clubbing in Miami late at night. I know I was 23, and it was a Saturday night. "What kind of person leaves the house at 9 o clock at night?", she yelled. Grandma, thank you for loving me anyway.
When I became a vegetarian, she was upset that I no longer would eat her famous meatballs. I told her I would eat them one more time, and so she came to the house, and made 50lbs, froze them, and put them in the freezer. I ate meatballs for another year.
When I had a German boyfriend, she sat me down to discuss it. I know her lack of approval was because it made her worry about my connection to her. I know she was upset. Grandma, thank you for loving me anyway.
She would also say, “You know? Your my favorite granddaughter. And do you know why?” “Because you're my only grandaughter.”
It breaks my heart that I can't be at the funeral today, because I know that if something was important to me, Grandma would make it there. I can hear her voice in my head. “I love you.”, I'd say. “I love you more.” she'd insist.
I will always admire her self-discipline and organizational skills; her attention to detail, and her value of putting family before anyone else. I will never, ever forget or stop loving her passion or her open heart. I will admire how she cared for me, at any moment, at any time, through any challenge. I could always count on her to defend me, to hug me, to say I love you, or even just to share a Kit Kat. In a world where many people are undependable, my self often included, I can't express enough what a blessing that is.
Still, our physical body is confined by limitations. I can't help feel sorrow for the pain Grandma was in over the last year, and grateful that she is no longer suffering. I wish I could visit her.
I miss holding her hand.
I can't express enough my gratitude to have you in my life. I say "have" because you live with me, within me. You're still alive and present in my memories, in a way that will never leave. Thank you for being there for me. I love you.
I can't express enough my gratitude to have you in my life.
Everytime I saw Grandma Edna as a child, she would bring me a Kit-Kat bar. It was part of our contract, and we had a mutual understanding: 1 Kit-Kat, if I was good. No more. No less.
When she greeted me, she would say “You know how much I love you?” And spread her arms, all the way out, as far as they went.
“I love you this much”, she'd say, like she was hugging the entire world.
“Grandma, your arms aren't that long”, I would say.
“This is as far as they go. But I love you farther. I love you forever."
I can't say I didn't test that love. She cared about me so much that she took my decisions personally, as a reflection of her. I knew it drove her crazy when I dressed like a hippie, or a punk rocker, with messy hair, too-small tops, and ripped jeans.
Grandma, thank you for loving me anyway.
We got in arguments when I watched too much MTV, or left the house to go clubbing in Miami late at night. I know I was 23, and it was a Saturday night. "What kind of person leaves the house at 9 o clock at night?", she yelled. Grandma, thank you for loving me anyway.
When I became a vegetarian, she was upset that I no longer would eat her famous meatballs. I told her I would eat them one more time, and so she came to the house, and made 50lbs, froze them, and put them in the freezer. I ate meatballs for another year.
When I had a German boyfriend, she sat me down to discuss it. I know her lack of approval was because it made her worry about my connection to her. I know she was upset. Grandma, thank you for loving me anyway.
She would also say, “You know? Your my favorite granddaughter. And do you know why?” “Because you're my only grandaughter.”
It breaks my heart that I can't be at the funeral today, because I know that if something was important to me, Grandma would make it there. I can hear her voice in my head. “I love you.”, I'd say. “I love you more.” she'd insist.
I will always admire her self-discipline and organizational skills; her attention to detail, and her value of putting family before anyone else. I will never, ever forget or stop loving her passion or her open heart. I will admire how she cared for me, at any moment, at any time, through any challenge. I could always count on her to defend me, to hug me, to say I love you, or even just to share a Kit Kat. In a world where many people are undependable, my self often included, I can't express enough what a blessing that is.
Still, our physical body is confined by limitations. I can't help feel sorrow for the pain Grandma was in over the last year, and grateful that she is no longer suffering. I wish I could visit her.
I miss holding her hand.
I can't express enough my gratitude to have you in my life. I say "have" because you live with me, within me. You're still alive and present in my memories, in a way that will never leave. Thank you for being there for me. I love you.
On Death
On Death
by Kahlil Gibran
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
by Kahlil Gibran
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Prayer
I used to pray, every day. And light a candle. Lately, because of a technological glitch, I'd been reminded to pray every morning. Now that I'm no longer reminded, it feels personal again. I remind myself.
To me, praying in Hebrew always connects me to my family, my ancestors. It's the language I've always associated with spirituality. It feels like a direct connection between me and God.
Here are some notes on Hebrew prayer:
Devotion from the heart, called kavanat ha lev, is considered essential to true prayer. Kavanah implies concentration, worship, and single-mindedness. “Prayer without kavanah is like a body without a soul,” meaning that the attitude of “service of the heart” (avodah sheba-lev) is required when praying.
When you sleep, your soul leaves your body, and it is cleansed. When we wake up, we say, why thank you.
I used to pray every day. I'd like to get in touch, again. This blog is a strange outlet for a creative prayer.
To me, praying in Hebrew always connects me to my family, my ancestors. It's the language I've always associated with spirituality. It feels like a direct connection between me and God.
Here are some notes on Hebrew prayer:
Devotion from the heart, called kavanat ha lev, is considered essential to true prayer. Kavanah implies concentration, worship, and single-mindedness. “Prayer without kavanah is like a body without a soul,” meaning that the attitude of “service of the heart” (avodah sheba-lev) is required when praying.
When you sleep, your soul leaves your body, and it is cleansed. When we wake up, we say, why thank you.
I used to pray every day. I'd like to get in touch, again. This blog is a strange outlet for a creative prayer.
Creativity
The process of transferring feelings into something tangible. -India.Arie
There were so many other voices trying to drown out my inner voice, that it was hard for me to remember how I feel.
With all the freedom I had, I lost who I am. So I went into prayer, to remember who you are. And without that foundation of spirituality, everything feels empty.
No expectations. You can't edit the truth of how you feel as its coming out.
There were so many other voices trying to drown out my inner voice, that it was hard for me to remember how I feel.
With all the freedom I had, I lost who I am. So I went into prayer, to remember who you are. And without that foundation of spirituality, everything feels empty.
No expectations. You can't edit the truth of how you feel as its coming out.
Freedom
It's amazing what makes us feel free. And not closed up.
New information came to light for me today, regarding a situation that has vexed me greatly over the last several months.
Trust your instincts. Speak to them. Someone that hurts you always needs healing. It may not be your job to heal them. But trust that the love is there. Always trust that the love is there.
I'm leaving my red bedroom tonight. I'm headed to Los Angeles on Sunday. Maybe I keep running from myself. Maybe I keep running from the hard work that it takes to make an impact. But I'm young, and I'm discovering. Thank you, God, for the truths. I know who I am is honest, is passionate, and is energized.
Love. Love. Love. Who you are. Offer healing to everyone else.
My mediation for the evening. Leave everyone better or the same from knowing you; leave no one worse. I'm trying. Stability, eventually, will help.
New information came to light for me today, regarding a situation that has vexed me greatly over the last several months.
Trust your instincts. Speak to them. Someone that hurts you always needs healing. It may not be your job to heal them. But trust that the love is there. Always trust that the love is there.
I'm leaving my red bedroom tonight. I'm headed to Los Angeles on Sunday. Maybe I keep running from myself. Maybe I keep running from the hard work that it takes to make an impact. But I'm young, and I'm discovering. Thank you, God, for the truths. I know who I am is honest, is passionate, and is energized.
Love. Love. Love. Who you are. Offer healing to everyone else.
My mediation for the evening. Leave everyone better or the same from knowing you; leave no one worse. I'm trying. Stability, eventually, will help.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Long Term Romance..
What I'm looking for in a partner:
*Someone fascinating, that always has something exciting and new to share or do.
*Someone who does not procrastinate, and is ambitious.
*Someone who can carry on a conversation about emotions.
*Someone who wants to commit to me longterm.
*Someone adaptable, thats always interested in self-improvement, and connects that to a partnership.
*Someone who likes spicy, healthy food.
*Who is adorable.
*Someone who likes to dance, workout, be active.
*Someone who you an take anywhere, and the people that I love will appreciate and get along with.
*Who likes upbeat music, sunshine, and LOVE.
*Someone fascinating, that always has something exciting and new to share or do.
*Someone who does not procrastinate, and is ambitious.
*Someone who can carry on a conversation about emotions.
*Someone who wants to commit to me longterm.
*Someone adaptable, thats always interested in self-improvement, and connects that to a partnership.
*Someone who likes spicy, healthy food.
*Who is adorable.
*Someone who likes to dance, workout, be active.
*Someone who you an take anywhere, and the people that I love will appreciate and get along with.
*Who likes upbeat music, sunshine, and LOVE.
"They call it Love, but I don't know...
 |
| Is that what makes us want to hurt each other so....?" |
"If I could just bring peace to your mind, I might bring peace to my mind too."
Sales
If I'm jamming to music, got my caffeine on, feel amazing, relax, and am happy...then customers want to buy massive amounts of perfume from me.
A lot of the universe is about giving. Giving back. What is most important in general is how we impact the world around us for the better. How we give back. And so much of that stems from attitude: remembering to be grateful for every moment, for every kindness. And most importantly, to work hard, while still being RELAXed.
I can't stop thinking about this amazing conversation I had the other day, and the incredible kindnesses that supported people have shown me. I want to be one of those people again: surrounded by enough support that I can give back the fullest, the most truly. I try, and I think this year has been a challenge and an amazing boon: so much has been given to me, and so much has been taken away. Trusting the universe is hard, after all I've been through, something that many of us have the right to say. And yet, at the same time, trusting the universe that opportunities will always arise, and our job is to discern, which opportunities are worth taking, and which ones are landmines. They are all open doors, and that is our fortune.
I foresaw so many of the difficulties I went through this year: my crazy, self-centered yet incredibly inspirational boss showed her demanding nature during the interview process. I was warned. My crazy, beautiful, and self-centered romantic fling triggered my warning bells the very night I met him; and yet he was so amazing to be around that I fell in love with him, anyway.
Some risks are worth taking, so that we feel no regrets. As hurt as I have been about some of the progressions of this year, I know that I put forth all the efforts I knew how to do at the time available. And honestly? If I had done more? There was no way I could have humanly satisfied my boss, given the circumstances. The trick is to leave feeling more open, more reliable, more real, than before.
And Love. Love. Love. At 25, I'm realizing that I've always wanted to fall in love like parents are in love. And for some reason, keep being scared of sharing my whole self with someone that I love in return. I've shown my whole self, with boundaries, to men that I didn't love back: so why get so scared of being vulnerable and healthfully expressing limits to someone I really, truly will love?
I want to fall in love with someone whose heart is open. Someone who will support me wholeheartedly; who believes that love is about giving and sharing, and not taking, defending and comparing. Who's looking for a life partner, not just a play thing. Who values women. I mean, to be honest, I'm still hurting from the heartbreak of earlier this year. I wish it hadn't ended the way it did. But I learned a lot. I learned a whole lot.
Looking forward to the hard work and the amazing future that lays ahead. I hope that I can serve to follow through on my best intentions. Thank you, Hashem, for the learning experience. Looking forward to a beautiful future. Looking forward to sunshine.
Monday, May 30, 2011
New Details for a New Home
I'm about to move, and thinking of ways to make my new set-up easy and smooth:
a) Keep clothes organized, in a set-up location. Organize your house by task so that the things most relevant to each job are where you’re most likely to use them. This might be obvious for things like laundry and crafts, but what about a mail station, homework area, or just storing linens in the laundry room?
b) Get a desk!!! and desk chair!!!
c)Label it! Labeling is not just for file folders – get a label-maker (or several) and keep it handy all around the house. Kitchen shelves, storage containers, bookshelves, coat racks — there are millions of places where a smart label can forestall endless amounts of clutter. My variation of jenny’s clear shoebox idea above (#3) is to use plastic pencil boxes for all manner of tiny stuff; they lock slightly to make tidy stacks on my shelves, and a lovely label on the front keeps everything instantly accessible.
d) Designate a “launchpad”. This is an area in your house, preferably near the door, where coats, jackets, shoes, backpacks, purses, keys, and everything else you need to find easily next time you leave the house stays. Think of it a transition-zone between outside and inside — almost like an airlock.
e) Set up a “bucket” at your “launchpad (a milk crate, basket, or an actual bucket) for each person “.
f) Set up a library/rental box. Store your library books and rented videos in a box in your living room or other place near where you’ll use them, and keep your library cards and video rental cards there as well. That way, you’ll always be reminded if anything’s due when you go to collect your rental cards.
Bills:
g) Set up your bills to be due all on the same day. Most utilities will let you shift your payment date, though you will usually have to make up a month-plus the first time after the change.
h) Make a nice box for receipts and put new receipts in it every night when you get home. Sort your receipts on a regular basis, or this will overflow and become yet another source of clutter.
a) Keep clothes organized, in a set-up location. Organize your house by task so that the things most relevant to each job are where you’re most likely to use them. This might be obvious for things like laundry and crafts, but what about a mail station, homework area, or just storing linens in the laundry room?
b) Get a desk!!! and desk chair!!!
c)Label it! Labeling is not just for file folders – get a label-maker (or several) and keep it handy all around the house. Kitchen shelves, storage containers, bookshelves, coat racks — there are millions of places where a smart label can forestall endless amounts of clutter. My variation of jenny’s clear shoebox idea above (#3) is to use plastic pencil boxes for all manner of tiny stuff; they lock slightly to make tidy stacks on my shelves, and a lovely label on the front keeps everything instantly accessible.
d) Designate a “launchpad”. This is an area in your house, preferably near the door, where coats, jackets, shoes, backpacks, purses, keys, and everything else you need to find easily next time you leave the house stays. Think of it a transition-zone between outside and inside — almost like an airlock.
e) Set up a “bucket” at your “launchpad (a milk crate, basket, or an actual bucket) for each person “.
f) Set up a library/rental box. Store your library books and rented videos in a box in your living room or other place near where you’ll use them, and keep your library cards and video rental cards there as well. That way, you’ll always be reminded if anything’s due when you go to collect your rental cards.
Bills:
g) Set up your bills to be due all on the same day. Most utilities will let you shift your payment date, though you will usually have to make up a month-plus the first time after the change.
h) Make a nice box for receipts and put new receipts in it every night when you get home. Sort your receipts on a regular basis, or this will overflow and become yet another source of clutter.
Hygiene Routines
She is so gorgeous! This reminds me of my mommy's looooong routine!
This girl loves herself;) Doesn't it make you want to cuddle with her?
Potential Closet?
The new place doesn't have a closet, but is SO great! Thinking about doing something like this...maybe too much work for right now..
Todays Goals
Last night, I went salsa dancing with my manager and his fiance. SO much fun. I'm definitely starting to feel a bit more comfortable salsa dancing! And speaking Spanish!!!
Unfortunately, I had forgotten to eat much, and let him buy drinks. I drank so much that I was sick the entire day today. Vomited like crazy. Missed Nafisa's birthday party. Laid in bed talking on the phone and couldn't do any of my personal goals. Canceled dinner plans.
Successes: Salsa dancing. Spanish. Really amazing phone conversations. Booked tickets to California. Bought Fifi gummy bears and a banana, and stopped at the evening party to dance. Caught up on missed sleep from the week. Desiree saved me and helped me get out of bed and brought me chicken soup.
Failures: LOL NOT the most efficient day! At all!
Goals for tonight:
-Clean bedroom. Start packing.
-Do 100 situps and stretch.
-Work on screenplay.
Goals for tomorrow:
-Deal with bills. Apartment moving details: truck, lease.
-Study for the GRE.
-Finish up lastest social media proposal
-Call Amir and Sameer.
-Relax on the town with Grant!
Unfortunately, I had forgotten to eat much, and let him buy drinks. I drank so much that I was sick the entire day today. Vomited like crazy. Missed Nafisa's birthday party. Laid in bed talking on the phone and couldn't do any of my personal goals. Canceled dinner plans.
Successes: Salsa dancing. Spanish. Really amazing phone conversations. Booked tickets to California. Bought Fifi gummy bears and a banana, and stopped at the evening party to dance. Caught up on missed sleep from the week. Desiree saved me and helped me get out of bed and brought me chicken soup.
Failures: LOL NOT the most efficient day! At all!
Goals for tonight:
-Clean bedroom. Start packing.
-Do 100 situps and stretch.
-Work on screenplay.
Goals for tomorrow:
-Deal with bills. Apartment moving details: truck, lease.
-Study for the GRE.
-Finish up lastest social media proposal
-Call Amir and Sameer.
-Relax on the town with Grant!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Habit # 1
10 minute morning cleanup. I've started waking up at 7am, so I have the time! I'm going to clean up before heading to work. ASAP.
I'm starting a 10 minute cleanup each morning.
Upcoming Habits for the next two weeks:
-10 minute evening cleanup.
-Prepare for the entire week ahead.
I'm starting a 10 minute cleanup each morning.
Upcoming Habits for the next two weeks:
-10 minute evening cleanup.
-Prepare for the entire week ahead.
Trying to have a SLEEK and SMOOTH life
This is what my life feels like: procrastination. (Image from self.com). But I want that SMOOTHness. The comes from having bright, neat files. Clips. Containers. Starting now: one habit a week.
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