If I'm jamming to music, got my caffeine on, feel amazing, relax, and am happy...then customers want to buy massive amounts of perfume from me.
A lot of the universe is about giving. Giving back. What is most important in general is how we impact the world around us for the better. How we give back. And so much of that stems from attitude: remembering to be grateful for every moment, for every kindness. And most importantly, to work hard, while still being RELAXed.
I can't stop thinking about this amazing conversation I had the other day, and the incredible kindnesses that supported people have shown me. I want to be one of those people again: surrounded by enough support that I can give back the fullest, the most truly. I try, and I think this year has been a challenge and an amazing boon: so much has been given to me, and so much has been taken away. Trusting the universe is hard, after all I've been through, something that many of us have the right to say. And yet, at the same time, trusting the universe that opportunities will always arise, and our job is to discern, which opportunities are worth taking, and which ones are landmines. They are all open doors, and that is our fortune.
I foresaw so many of the difficulties I went through this year: my crazy, self-centered yet incredibly inspirational boss showed her demanding nature during the interview process. I was warned. My crazy, beautiful, and self-centered romantic fling triggered my warning bells the very night I met him; and yet he was so amazing to be around that I fell in love with him, anyway.
Some risks are worth taking, so that we feel no regrets. As hurt as I have been about some of the progressions of this year, I know that I put forth all the efforts I knew how to do at the time available. And honestly? If I had done more? There was no way I could have humanly satisfied my boss, given the circumstances. The trick is to leave feeling more open, more reliable, more real, than before.
And Love. Love. Love. At 25, I'm realizing that I've always wanted to fall in love like parents are in love. And for some reason, keep being scared of sharing my whole self with someone that I love in return. I've shown my whole self, with boundaries, to men that I didn't love back: so why get so scared of being vulnerable and healthfully expressing limits to someone I really, truly will love?
I want to fall in love with someone whose heart is open. Someone who will support me wholeheartedly; who believes that love is about giving and sharing, and not taking, defending and comparing. Who's looking for a life partner, not just a play thing. Who values women. I mean, to be honest, I'm still hurting from the heartbreak of earlier this year. I wish it hadn't ended the way it did. But I learned a lot. I learned a whole lot.
Looking forward to the hard work and the amazing future that lays ahead. I hope that I can serve to follow through on my best intentions. Thank you, Hashem, for the learning experience. Looking forward to a beautiful future. Looking forward to sunshine.
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